


Mother Knows Best

by Krit



Series: Fuck It, This Is Love [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Children, Flashbacks, Gen, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Implied Suicide Attempt, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mother-Son Relationship, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 03:26:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21264296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krit/pseuds/Krit
Summary: “He is not a Herondale. ... Jace Lightwood. He's my son.”"You never love anything like you love your children.""I don’t regret taking you in for one second.""Maryse is my mother."





	Mother Knows Best

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wicked Ones: The Early Years](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9311474) by [Adora Addams (Apollymi)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apollymi/pseuds/Adora%20Addams), [Katsuko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katsuko/pseuds/Katsuko). 

> The first scene of this was heavily inspired (I stole the entire concept) by a scene in one of my favorite fic series. I've linked it, and you should check it out. Even if you're not in The Magnificent Seven (2016) fandom. And really, if you're not, then go watch that movie right now.  
Adora and Katsuko, I wanna thank you guys again for being cool with me using your idea. It just fits this character so well.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> Time jumps around a bit with this one. Chronological just didn't flow right. I THINK it's easy enough to understand around when each scene happens.

_Come stop your crying, It will be alright_  
_ Just take my hand, And hold it tight_

_I will protect you, From all around you_  
_ I will be here, Don't you cry_

_For one so small, You seem so strong_  
_ My arms will hold you, Keep you safe and warm_  
_ This bond between us, Can't be broken_  
_ I will be here, Don't you cry_

_'Cause you'll be in my heart_  
_ Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
_ From this day on_  
_ Now and forever more_

~*~

“I can not believe you think this is a good idea.” Maryse snapped as she and Robert made their way to the main entrance of the institute. Clenching her jaw as she glared at everyone who dared look her way. 

“He has no one. Nowhere else to go. Whatever happened between me and Michael, I still-“

“I know! But that doesn’t mean-“ She have a frustrated huff. “We _just_ had a baby. And you want to add another child. And you know how Alec is with people. Well, this is _your_ little charity project. Don’t expect me to set my own children aside for some half assed obligation, because you feel guilty. I have enough on my plate without-“ Her words and her breath caught in her throat as they turned the corner. Her jaw dropped and her face melted as she let out a strangled “Oh, sweetheart!”

Standing in the foyer, soaking wet, with a bruised face and a mud stained sweater so big the sleeves came down over his hands, was a blonde ten year old boy. They told her he was almost eleven, he barely looked ten. Maryse didn’t remember moving, but immediately, she was crouched down in front of the boy, drying his face gently with a handkerchief. She saw him flinch, but he stayed rooted to the spot, watching her carefully. 

“Have none of you heard of an umbrella?” She snapped at the two clave interns who had brought him. 

“It’s raining sideways, ma’am.” 

A single glare from Maryse had the lackey’s excuses cut off. 

“And why has no one put an iratze rune on this clearly injured child?”

“We did, ma’am. He looks much better now than before.” Idiot Number Two pipped up. 

Maryse returned her attention to the boy in front of her. She saw his eyes and heard a distant voice in her memory say _‘Heterochromia. It’s not as rare as people think. 200,000 cases a year just in the US.’_ She brushed her thumb under his left eye. He flinched again, but didn’t pull away. “Heterochromia.” She murmured. He smiled a little and nodded. “I knew a girl... a friend of mine. She was friends with your parents, too. She had the same thing.”

“Father never told me that.” His voice was even smaller than he was. 

She looked up at the gathering crowd. “Will someone make themselves useful and get my son a towel and some clean clothes?” She barked. Standing up, she gave him a smile and took his hand. “Come on. We’ll get you sorted out, and you can meet your new brothers and sister.”

~*~

It started to come out in bits and pieces. The more Jace opened himself up, the more came tumbling out. There were words he still couldn’t say. Things he still couldn’t admit, because to admit it happened would mean to face that it happened, and what it really meant, and he was pretty sure that if he faced and accepted and acknowledged the extent and reality of all that had happened to him, he would likely kill himself just like his mother. And he knew enough most days to know that he probably shouldn’t do that. Denial was a hell of a drug, and in his case, it was medicinal. He could pretend none of it happened. He could pretend it was all his own fault, and that made it okay. He could pretend they didn’t know. And they didn’t, not really, not completely, they couldn’t. But slowly and surely, as he let them see more of himself, they began to understand. 

Maryse never seemed to blink. No matter what was implied or what came to light, she always took it with a deep breath, a nod, and a kiss to his forehead. 

“How much did you already know?” He asked her one day, as he helped her make dinner. He was the only one of her children who could cook. Alec was always decent at breakfast foods, and Max was getting decent at some simple baking. But if it weren’t for Maryse and Jace, the Lightwoods would’ve died of food poisoning or malnutrition long ago. The institute cafeteria only went so far.

“I suppose that depends on how you look at it.” She responded, not looking up from the pot she was stirring. “If I had been able to _prove_ anything, I’d’ve _done_ something a long time ago. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t even be a hundred percent sure, myself. I knew something was...” She sighed. “I knew your father hurt you. I knew someone was still hurting you. I had some very solid theories as to who. But every time I tried to figure it out...” another sigh. “A hundred times, I tried to talk to you.”

“And a hundred times, I lied.” He murmured. Shaking his head, he rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He choked out quietly. No sooner were the words out of his mouth, than his mother’s arms were wrapped tight around him. 

“I’ve told you, and I’ll keep telling you. You don’t owe me any apologies. You navigated an impossible situation the best you could. I wish things had gone differently. But I am so proud of you. You’ve survived so much and have grown into an exceptional young man.” When Jace scoffed, she pulled back to look him in the eye. “When have I ever lied to placate someone’s feelings? Even you and your siblings. I don’t do lip service. My praise is earned. And you’ve earned it.”

Jace smiled a little and nodded. It was true. He tended to prefer people like that. Liked to know where he stood. And he knew where he stood with Maryse. He was her son. And she loved him. 

~*~

It was obvious if you were looking for it. The way he braced himself. The way he guarded his food; Alec told her Jace seemed amazed and confused that they ate every day. The resigned look on his face whenever he made a mistake. She could see it in every stitch of him. But it took a couple months before her fears were truly confirmed. 

The children were training. Their sword work was getting impressive for their ages. But puberty was having a field day with Alec. He was starting to grow faster than he could compensate for. It was wreaking havoc on his footwork. Each time he tripped over himself, he grew more frustrated, which made him more clumsy. Eventually, he stumbled too hard, leaned over too far, and went sprawling into the floor, the sound of his sword clattering across the floor echoing through the room. He had landed on his face, which was bright red, and stayed there for a moment, seething at himself. Maryse willed herself not to laugh, as the whole thing reminded her of that movie the kids liked with the baby deer. 

Her mirth was short lived as she heard a distraught keening sound coming from Jace. The boy scrambled forward, stepping in front of Alec, as though he was shielding him. From her. Damn. 

“It wasn’t his fault!” Jace cried out, frantically. He was scared. He was usually scared, of most things, though she was usually the only one who could see it. But this... this was open terror. What exactly did he think was going to happen? She could only guess. His eyes were wet, but the tears didn’t fall. “Please! It was just... It was my fault! I’m the one who messed up. It wasn’t his fault. Please don’t punish him.”

Maryse stared at him another moment, trying to decide the best course of action. Alec had risen to his feet, and he and Izzy were watching, faces full of confusion. Maryse was at a loss. She didn’t know how to explain to him that she wasn’t going to hurt any of them. No one was. You didn’t get punished for things like this. And she had a feeling his understanding of what a punishment was, wasn’t anything that ever happened in her institute. 

“No one is getting punished.” She said finally. “It was no one’s fault. Try again. Alec, be more aware of your feet. Your legs are growing, you need to find a new balance.”

Jace remained uneasy for the rest of the day. And the rest of the week. Until one day, she saw a little golden head peer into her office. 

“Ma’am, can I talk to you?” Jace asked quietly. He looked exhausted. 

“Come in, sweetheart. What’s wrong?” She tried to make herself as gentle as possible with him whenever she could. Handling him like cracked glass. She knew she couldn’t go soft. That would just make things worse. But she took care to make him understand that he was safe. She doubted it worked. “Have a seat.” She gestured at the chair in front of her desk when he just stood in the middle of the room. Barely eleven and acting like an active soldier. It wasn’t normal. Alec pretended to be grown up and professional all the time. And it always looked like a child pretending. With Jace... it looked like a child soldier. “What did you need to talk about?”

“I was wondering... I was hoping...” His breath sped as he tried to find his words. “I can’t take the waiting anymore!” He finally exclaimed. “Our last training lesson was a disaster, and you and Mr Lightwood haven’t done anything about it!”

Maryse closed her eyes and took a slow deep breath. She had hoped he would let it go. She dreaded the answer to her next question, but it had to be asked. “Jace. What exactly do you think is going to happen?”

“I don’t know!” He shouted. “You won’t tell me what the punishments are for mistakes. You haven’t told me anything! I still don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. There’s all this time during the day when we don’t have any orders, and Alec say we just ‘study or whatever’, and he won’t explain what the hell _that_ means! And I know Hodge said-” His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he shut his mouth so hard, Maryse heard his teeth clack. He looked terrified again. Holding his breath, bracing himself. He must have only just then realized that he was yelling. She wondered what his father’s standard punishment for back talk was. She imagined Jace had never dared yell at him. That thought made it even clearer how much this situation was distressing him. She wondered what he was thinking right in that moment. What he thought was going to happen, expecting to happen. What terrible horror did he think he deserved for the crime of raising his voice?

“Jace.” She said calmly. “We do things differently here than you’re used to. If you are in trouble, I will let you know. If you do something that warrants some kind of punishment, I will explain it to you. Stick with Alec and Izzy. They’re good kids. They’ll help you.” She chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment, at a loss as to how to make him understand. “I don’t believe in excessive punishment. I want my children and my soldiers to be excellent because they want to excel, not because they fear injury. Do you understand?”

He still looked confused and a little distraught, but he nodded. “Yes ma’am.” He said quietly.

“You know,” she smiled softly. “You are very much allowed to call me Maryse. I’ve also been known to answer to ‘Mom’.”

“Yes ma’am.” He said quietly. 

“Dismissed.” She sighed.

~*~

Maryse stood at the back of the training room, watching Alec and Izzy spar as Hodge shouted directions from nearby. There was something about the way he interacted with the kids that she didn’t like. She couldn’t explain it, but it bothered her. Set her teeth on edge. She had never trusted Hodge. He had always been a weasel. But the Clave insisted on keeping him under her roof. They knew she was one of the only people who could control him. 

The children were growing more impressive every day. Jace had only been with them a year, and he was already having an obvious positive impact on his new siblings. Alec was still too rigid, and Izzy too sloppy. But Jace met them both in the middle. 

Robert was showing Max all the weapons filling the room, the toddler babbling with delight at each one. Maryse smiled to herself as she watched her family. 

And then her blood ran cold. A knot twisted sharp, deep in her gut. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. 

“Robert, where’s Jace?” She called out, her voice clipped. Scared. 

“Haven’t seen him since dinner.” He responded, absently, not picking up on her urgency. And why should he? Everything was fine. But it wasn’t. The pure terror in the back of her mind pushed her forward and out the door. She had to find Jace. Searching all his favorite spots, she made her way up to the roof. He liked the pigeons. And she knew there was a little nook up there that he liked to hide in. He would still get so overwhelmed sometimes. 

She threw open the door and cast a frantic glance around. Not by the pigeon coop. She headed over to the other side and stopped in her tracks. Up on one of the higher ledges, perched like a gargoyle, was her son. One of his little legs hanging over the edge, heel bouncing against the wall. He was hunched over, staring out at nothing. She couldn’t read the look on his face. But she didn’t like it. That terror clawed at her, and she didn’t know why. Nothing was happening. He was fine. 

“Jace, sweetheart, what are you doing up here?” 

He almost didn’t seem to notice her. She was going to try again when he finally answered. “Wanted to watch the sun set.”

There was something in his voice she couldn’t place. Didn’t like. Her heart was racing. “Well, it’s dark now. And freezing. Come inside.”

“Ten more minutes? I’ll be right in.”

_‘It’ll take you twenty minutes.’_ A woman’s voice echoed in her head._ ‘I’ll be fine on my own for less than a half an hour. Go. I’ll be alright.’ _Blonde hair, mismatched eyes, and a sad crooked smile. Her best friend’s tear stained face. Her best friend covered in blood. Too many coincidences. Robert was constantly telling her she was paranoid. 

“Come inside.” She said again. Her voice gave no room for arguments. Celine’s baby died with her. Maryse failed them both. But damned if she was going to fail Eliza’s son. Jace jumped down to the main floor of the roof, and Maryse’s heart skipped a beat. “I don’t want you climbing about up here. It’s dangerous.” She told him as she ushered him inside. 

~*~ 

Jace stepped into his mother’s shop with two coffees and a wide smile. “Hey there, business woman! You wanted to see me?” He kissed her cheek and handed her one of the cups. They sat down at the table and she took a deep breath. 

“Your birthday is coming up soon.”

Jace snorted. “Sort of.” He grumbled. 

“Well that’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. We’ve always celebrated your birthday in April, but that’s the day Jonathan Wayland was born. You were born-“

“July.” Jace shrugged at her surprised look. “I’ve visited my parents’ graves. My date of birth is my mother’s date of death.” He shrugged again and Maryse sighed. 

“If you want to have your birthday the day you’ve always had it, that’s fine. If you want to have it on the day you were born, that’s fine too.” 

Jace shook his head. “April tenth is the birthday of a little boy that Valentine murdered so he could fake his son’s death and give me his identity. July twenty-second is the day my mother slit her own throat and Valentine cut me out of her corpse and stole me.”

His voice was shaking, and Maryse reached out to hold his hand. “We can think of something else entirely if you want. Maybe the day you died and came back to life? That’s also the day Valentine died, that’s always worth celebrating!” They both laughed. 

“What about... Clary told me about this mundane thing, she asked if we did it. Apparently, some kids who are adopted, they celebrate the day they joined their new family. They call it a ‘Gotcha Day’. I like that. That’s the day that really matters.” His voice got quieter with every word, eyes glued to his coffee. “I don’t care when I was born. My life started when I became a Lightwood.”

Maryse stood up, pulling him up with her, and held him tight. “Gotcha.” She said quietly. 

~*~

Maryse woke in a cold sweat, heart pounding. “Something’s wrong!” She gasped. Robert stirred next to her, murmuring questioning noises. “I have to check on the kids.” She scrambled out of bed and grabbed her robe. The hallway of the living quarters was quiet this late at night. Everyone who was awake was either in the ops center, the training rooms, or the kitchen. 

She stopped at Max’s room first, it was closest. He was fast asleep, sprawled diagonally across his bed with the blankets on the floor. She tucked him back in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He was going to be eight soon. Why did they grow so fast?

Izzy next. She was burrowed under her blankets, curled into a ball. Maryse rearranged the blankets so that there was a good little tunnel, so she could breathe properly under there. 

Alec was clutching his pillow to his chest so tight is was like he was afraid it would run away. She brushed his hair back, his quiet snores letting her know he was alright. 

But there was an ache in her chest. This clenching ice cold fear that she couldn’t shake. It happened sometimes, and she couldn’t shake it. 

One more. 

At the end of the hall, she saw a soft light glowing under Jace’s bedroom door. Her heart stopped and she didn’t know why. She knocked softly before opening the door. “Jace? Are you awake?” Jace was sitting on his bed, a collection of daggers and a whetstone on the blanket in front of him. Maryse was overcome with an inexplicable urge to gather all the weapons and take them away. But she remembered the harrowing battle of trying to get him to stop keeping at least one knife within arms reach while he slept. They had at least gotten him down to one, and convinced him to keep it on his nightstand instead of under his pillow. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” He answered, his voice flat and distant. He was staring at the knife in his hands, running his thumb along the edge of the blade. Maryse had always been impressed with his fighting skills. His dexterity and speed. But in that moment, it took everything she had not to grab the damn thing away from him. “Figured I’d get some work done.”

“Well that’s all well and good.” She cleared her throat. “But you need sleep. I don’t want you sluggish tomorrow.” He nodded, but still didn’t look up. Walking over to the bed, she put her hands over his, gently sliding the knife out of them. “Here. I’ll put this all away, you get under the covers.”

“Will you-“ he cut himself off and bit his lip.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“I might be able to fall asleep if you sang something. Like when we were kids.”

She smiled and put the daggers away before heading back to the bed and helping him settle down. “Of course. You still are kids. You’re _my_ kids. I’ll always sing to you.” She sat on the bed and he immediately curled up against her, resting his head on her lap. She smiled and pet his hair. Her heartbeat and her breathing began to return to normal. Her stomach eased. She stroked his hair and rubbed his back. Singing quiet lullabies in French and Spanish. Even after he drifted off, she stayed with him. Holding him close. Everything was alright. Her children were safe. 

~*~

_As you go through life you'll see_  
_ There is so much that we_  
_ Don't understand_  
_ And the only thing we know_  
_ Is things don't always go_  
_ The way we planned_  
_ But you'll see every day_  
_ That we'll never turn away_  
_ When it seems all your dreams come undone_  
_ We will stand by your side_  
_ Filled with hope and filled with pride_  
_ We are more than we are_  
_ We are one_

**Author's Note:**

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